11 months ago today, at a time like this I was having my hair pinned up by my stylist with a camera in my face. The ‘time like this’ am referring to is 7am. What, pray tell, was the event? Well it was my wedding day of course. Today I pinned my hair up all by myself and the only audience I had was my husband. But that was more than enough thank you very much. I look back and I can almost feel the excitement coupled with anxiety. Excitement because…well it’s obvious why but the anxiety because it felt like I was walking into the unknown. I was nervous and scared, thank God for the adrenaline which won over all the other emotions that were going on inside of me.
11 months later I am so glad God never reveals the details of the journey to anyone otherwise no one would ever make that first step. Don’t get me wrong, it is the most beautiful thing that happened to me since Jesus but the beauty of it is also in knowing you must absolutely depend on God or you will fail. Several years ago, I remember feeling that lump of fear in my stomach. It was my first day of high school, in a boarding school. Unlike marriage, it wasn’t the most beautiful experience. Nope! 4 years into it I still dreaded opening day. Now this was my experience so please indulge me.
I remember that chilly morning as we drove to what would be my new home. Home? Someone lied! There was a lot of mean-looking girls while some looked just as scared as I was. Then here’s the best part, life as I knew it would be controlled by the sound of a bell. Ring…. Wake up! Ring…. Go eat breakfast! Ring….Go to class! Ring….sleep! There was even a ring for when you could take a break! #icant … well I did. Of course I had good memories of the 4 years… but they don’t outweigh the fact that I felt like I was in a facility. The only thing we didn’t have was straight jackets that tied backwards and the rooms were not padded.
Today I passed outside this same ‘facility’ and that feeling of dread passed through me but was quickly replaced by relief. Relief that I am not that person anymore. Relief that I can be outside those gates and not for a controlled period of time. Now I know you may think my high school experience must have been really horrible. Well that’s not true, I wasn’t bullied or anything. It’s just the fact that I felt like a caged animal that’s all. But everything else was fun. In retrospect I am glad I went through that experience (I know a guy in the bible who said “it is good that I was afflicted” so hey…)
So back to present day, and I must say even though high school passed (thankfully), I do go through new experiences and challenges that make me wish we could fast forward everything going on right now to the good part. And unlike my wedding day, I don’t have that shot of adrenaline that numbs the fears, and I am forced to just deal with the raw feelings as they are. Can I get a witness? It could be a new job, a new business, a new relationship, a new role like being a mother, whatever the case, I am sure you would experience that feeling of fear. Fear of walking into the unknown, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough. The good news is that a few steps in, a couple of months later the story is usually different. You discover you had more in you that you thought you had.
So as I celebrate 11 months into this new exciting life, I encourage everyone who is X months or years into something that you thought you would not be able to hack. God has put in you everything you need to scale the mountains you face, to swim the oceans in your way, to totally beat whatever you think will surely take you out. That’s the thing you see, you never know how strong and capable you are and until being strong is the only option you have. God wired each of us with the ability to win and succeed in life. Had I been convicted of this truth back in high school I would have spent less time getting depressed over my surrounding and more time actually being good at what I knew I was already good at.
Life is designed to have contradictions and challenges and that is the spice of life. That does not stop you from enjoying the experience. Take the shot of adrenaline which is what God says about you, and go on and live every beautiful moment not afraid of messing up or failing but confident that you are well equipped. Celebrate the victories because they allow you to reflect on how far you have come. Remember your ‘7am-hairstyling-with-a-camera-in-your-face’ and look at you now… Hasn’t God been good? I bet He has.
I am Beautiful – Empowered – Visionary
I am @BeautifulPetal