Of Beautiful Petals & Goodbyes to Fears

By April 25, 2015Uncategorized


The darkest of nights comes before the brightest of mornings.

I have been in the darkest of nights lately.

I recently ended a relationship that I thought was going to be THE relationship.

My heart broke into a million little pieces.

It’s easy to be angry and let your anger fuel you out of a breakup when the guy is a jerk. Or a cheater. Or abusive. Or Whatever. It’s harder to do that when he’s nearly perfect for you in all ways – except he’s not the one for you.

So I have taken time out to cry – at first I couldn’t even pray about it. Then little by little and with the right support, I began to speak to God. No thee thou thine stuff – just earnestly question Him – as a daughter can her father.

Got over that phase and began to see the lessons in it.

  1. The Darkest night truly does come before the brightest morning
  2. Weeping may endure for the night – make sure you weep – it’s healthy: it helps you let go.
  3. Build your castle – surround yourself with strong people who love you. They will support you. They will carry you. They will cover you and they will cry with you. Most important of all, they will never ridicule you or expose you or look down on you.
  4. When you’re done (and you will one day be done), dust yourself off, let go and smile again. Joy will come in the morning – but you’ve gotta get out of bed, take a shower, open the windows and curtains, and let the sun in!
  5. Your pain is symbolic of your season. It means that there is someone going through that season who will get out of it simply because of your story – so tell your story; sing your song; read your rhyme and dance to your rhythm.

So today I speak from the bottom of my heart with an honesty I have hidden for fear of being judged. But where God has brought me out of and where I am right now – I’ve just gotta sing His song.

I am a thirty-something year old female living in Nairobi, Kenya. The dating scene has been rough – but in the past I went for the bad boy knowingly and loved it. I was so wrapped up in my fear I figured hey, why not sabotage anything before giving it a chance, then that way when it does end, I’ll be able to say “I Knew It Was Too Good To Be True”. I changed my ways when I encountered Jesus in my life. But I still held on to the pain – meaning I still embraced it and still continued to sabotage the possibility of God’s good things coming my way. That notwithstanding, God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above ALL I could ask, think or EVEN imagine. And so my questions to Him the past couple of years and especially the past few weeks have been more like: WHEN LORD? When will it happen for me?

I don’t have the answer to that question. That’s His big big secret since He’s my Big Big God. But I do know this.

  • I am no longer bitter
  • I have let go of fear
  • I am being used – my pain, laughter, tears and joy – all of it, for someone else’s journey and liberation.

So today I sing my song. I rhyme my reason and I dance my season.




I am Beautiful – Empowered – Visionary

I am @BeautifulPetal_

I am #Malkia – The Queen has arisen!



Author Bev

I am Beautiful - Empowered - Visionary

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