Someone asked me yesterday if I had ever been through heartache. A ‘random’ enough question which I answered just as randomly. I told her yes. I told her that at the time some years ago, with the end of a long relationship, I felt like someone was literally ripping my heart out of my chest and that I would never survive. And yet, here I am.
I then begun to think on that statement and on those yesteryears. It was as if it was yesterday, except instead of re-living them, I had watched the movie trailer and even the details were sketchy. I still remember thinking back then how there was absolutely no need for me to be going through that and how unfair life was.
Looking back, I can see how I ended up in that place of heartache. I don’t blame anyone for my being in that relationship, that was all me. I never sought anyone’s advise going in and while there I covered up for many things on my part and even though I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever. I thought the situation would change and change it did – it went from ‘Oops’ to ‘What-in-the-world-am-I-doing-here?’ In the end it just wasn’t meant to be.
I’m not sure how I survived those first few days, weeks and months.
When a thing is gone, moving forward is a great and unimaginable feat. As best as we can, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time. Solomon, the wisest man known to mankind, and the richest in the history of the world, we are told was not as well dressed as the lilies in the field – God dressed them then and continues to do so every single day. In verse 34 of the 6th Chapter of Matthew, we are told not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.
There begins my story. When that one season ended, a series of seemingly random moments brought me to this very day. Soon after the end of that relationship I moved cross-country. I found a home in my wonderful church (http://www.facebook.com/PurposeCentreChurch). A couple of years later we had our first church conference which has grown into an annual affair. That 1st year we had a number of visiting ministers and pastors from a beautiful land far away and one of them later invited my pastor to minister in his church. I happened to travel with my pastor and his wife on that oh-so-eventful adventure. I met a young couple and we soon became fast friends. i have returned to that beautiful emerald tropical paradise every year since. They have been firmly as ingrained into my family as was I into theirs.
Through them I met another young man and we became friends and through him I met this friend – the one who asked me about heartache. A friend or a friend of a friend of a friend has now become my friend.
Had I known then what I know now, I would have tried my very best to remember the details, knowing that they were what was going to prove me worthy of standing next to you and upholding you. I would have tried my best not to erase every trace of evidence of the pain. I would have etched it there more deeply in my memory bank. And yet, that is the beauty of this life and the human heart. We have what I like to call bounce-back-ability – the amazing ability to bounce back from anything if we put our minds to it. In matters of the heart, we have the resilience of Job. We may not know it at that time, and yet we are told that God will never give us more than we can bear. We are never really able to test this theory until we are in a situation that warrants standing tall day after day, even though at the time we feel that we are dying inside.
A series of seemingly random events led me out of that relationship and a series of even more random events brought me into this one. I brandish my scars as badges of honor. I brandish them with pride. They are what make me the woman I am today. And I brandish them with honor because I learned from them, and I moved on, and today I can boldly answer and say that yes, I know what heartache looks, feels and smells like.
To my dear, dear friend, you are stronger than you think and I salute you. God will see you through it. I pray that the tears I sowed all those years ago can give you the strength for today and courage for tomorrow. You are already a winner in my book and I proudly stand with you and pray for God to continue to minister to you through my story and the stories of others. Let my history give you hope for your current affairs and soon one day that will be your history.
To every woman who has been there, I salute you. I urge you not to be quiet with your story. One day your story will give hope to another woman and because of that, she will be able to say that if you could make it, she too can make it.
To every man who has loved and honored a woman enough to protect her heart, I salute you. Thank you for being honorable and courageous enough to put us first. We really are the fairer sex – not the weaker but the ones who need to be protected. Trusting you with our hearts and you honoring that trust by not trampling on them is more brave and courageous than you know – THANK YOU!
To my future husband, wherever you are, as you have honored God and other woman, I pray that through me, God will honor you. I pray that I will be a good wife, a wife worthy of the Proverbs 31 mantle. I pray that in the end, you will look and say of me just like King Solomon so sagely put it:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate”
XOXO – From: A-Girl-About-Town