So 2013 was for the most part a great year. Some challenges here and there, a few bumps in the road, but overall I had FUN in 2013. I traveled to cities I had never been to; I laughed through new experiences; I soared on wings like the eagle I am. I made new friends. I learned more about myself than I have ever known. I dared, I dreamed and I believed (#Leothemovie).
I also faced greater challenges in learning and growing than I have ever had to face. The past two months in particular I have had to deal with watching someone I love dearly fight for his life. It has been hard. You want to help but you can’t – because it’s not your battle, it is theirs. You feel so helpless you want to crumple up in a heap and cry your eyes out. But you can’t. You have to wake up every day and be their biggest cheerleader. Because as hard as it is for you, it is so much harder for them. You want to go to sleep and wave it all away and start afresh tomorrow. But unlike everyone else who gets to go home at the end of every day, no matter how close they are to you or how sympathetic to your plight, you can’t go home. You can’t wave it away. You can’t ignore it. And you can’t talk about it.
I’m a talker. That’s how I process things. I talk my way through them. I process with my words. I share and bounce ideas off of those nearest and dearest to me. And my inner circle has been amazing in allowing me that leeway to talk it out or cry it out or laugh it out or just sit it out in hand-holding silence. The other thing that for me has become a huge stress releaver is writing / blogging. I have shared some of my happiest moments and some of my not so shiny moments with you – my audience, my Beautiful Petals, My armchair cheerleaders, my inspiration and my muses.
So of course the hardest decision for me has been that I could not (and still cannot just yet) share this with you all. It almost felt like I was imploding. So I shared with a friend who told me to write my journey out – my feelings, my emotions, my decisions, my triumphs, my rock-bottoms my all – as much as I can – without compromising my dearest one – and thus allow my petals to walk this journey with me.
With that in mind, I will start by saying I am sorry I went quiet. There were times when I felt like my world was imploding and crashing and like the walls were closing in on me. Then there were those other moments when looking back I felt like I was looking in on someone else’s life. Through it all I must say that my heavenly Father showered me with so much love through family, through friends, through strangers, through doctors and nurses and orderlies and chefs; through pastors and priests and bishops and reverends, church elders and church families; through silence and tears and silence and joy. I have come full circle and am glad to say that I have seen the beautiful petal in me go through Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall Seasons in 2013.
I am encouraged and enthusiastic about 2014 and what it holds. Hopes and dreams, AND Hopes for dreams, AND Dreams of Hope. I am hopeful for the future and dreamy about tomorrow. I just can’t help it. I’m that Chick – the romantic at heart; the one who simply will not give up or give in; the one who refuses to let go of the promise of tomorrow and refuses to be silenced in my very important business of dreaming. I am a #BeautifulPetal in full bloom so look out world, HERE COMES BEV and 2014 holds nothing but beauty, love, laughter, life, purpose and goodness. I am a princess and my Father in Heaven is ready to unleash all His goodness and all of Heaven’s promises on me in 2014. You go ahead and be a #BeautifulPetal in bloom and the rainbow of love from above will color your world. Adiue 2013 and Bonjour 2014!