Today was one of those days. You know the ones I’m talking about. One of those days when I just knew that praising my way through it wouldn’t work. I needed to pray my way over it. Before I get all the theologians on my case, allow me to state said case.
Imagine a mother wakes up and the entire day, her 2-year old, or 90 year old for that matter is crying all day. She tries everything but each time he starts to explain, instead of talking, he sings to her or makes grand worshipful gestures.
There is no denying that from time to time, singing can work. However, as a regular means of communication, it won’t cut it all the time. Sometimes you just have to say it like it is, call it, do whatever but as I like to tell one of my little sisters when she’s all emotionally frazzled and incoherent, sometimes you just have to “USE YOUR BIG GIRL WORDS”!
And so I was ready. I got up early, read the word, listened for revelation, made a note (because it is a scientifically proven fact that when you write something down, your chances of committing it to memory and learning it are greatly increased) and then, after ensuring that I was in the right ‘space’ or ‘zone’ or whatever you would like to call it, I STARTED TO TALK TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER.
I told Him what I’d been going through. I told Him what I was thinking. I spoke of my emotions. I expressed my feelings. I talked from the heart. No inhibitions, no pretences, no brakes, no censors, no audience, no impressions to make, no hesitation, just pure, raw emotion. I spoke my heart, and not my mind because as I have learned along this journey, the two are just like oil and water; while it may be possible to hold them both in the same container, THEY JUST DON’T MIX.
I talked of past hurts and rejections, and expressed future dreams and aspirations. I talked non-stop, without rationalizing but knowing that doing so might inhibit the flow that can only be found in that secret, intimate place. Much was said, tears were shed, groanings were made, and time was spent.
I didn’t get my answer right away, and still have not to direct questions asked (logistics and details in my opinion) but one thing I know for sure,He had heard me. You see, there is a certain confidence that comes from intimacy. This intimacy is born of spending time. Time spent creates and upholds the quiet assurance that because you love this person and have been intimate with them, even in the silence, there is an acknowledgement, and assurance, that you have been heard. This morning, in the wee hours of the crowning day, at the secret place, laying aside all pretences and using my big girl words, I KNEW that He had heard me. And that is all it took. That is all I needed. You see, I am a woman, Soft, gentle, curvy, fun, absolutely amazing in the creation of the creator as the help mate He intended me to be. Sometimes, I need a solution, sometimes I need a hug, sometimes I need to vent, sometimes I will just cry but always and in all ways, I NEED TO KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN HEARD.
A peace descended upon me and despite the grey outlook of yesterday, the clouds lifted and I knew that the sun had come out.
Later in the afternoon, I got a message in a way that communicated to me in my love language #wordsofaffirmation and although a lot was said, the gist of His message to me was, believe it or not, I HEAR YOU!
So this evening as the night falls and the dusk envelopes my world as smooth as suede, I have this to say to you. Use your big girl words, speak to your Father. He will hear you and He will most surely answer you.
Today, I know He heard because He said that
I am Beautiful – Empowered – Visionary
I am @BeautifulPetal_