So lately I have been learning lessons in trust. I have come to realize that trust is hard earned but easily lost. I have come to realize that trust is the currency and faith is the exchange rate that allows me to lean on God 100%. And I have come to realize, sadly, that I have MAJOR Daddy Issues – I don’t trust that God will take care of me. Don’t get me wrong. I have faith that He has a good thing in store for me. But at the same time I sometimes get impatient waiting on Him and take matters into my own hands. That simply means that I take things to heart, forgetting that the heart is deceitful in all its ways, and carry on like I have a solution better than the solution giver himself. So faith is an easy talk but trust is a harder walk. And over the past 9 months He has broken me and built me up again just so that I would know that His ways are not my ways, neither are His thoughts my thoughts and as far as the East is from the West, so far are His thoughts, ways and plans from mine. Ultimately, we want the same goal but intricately woven in the quilt of my life are things His way – they will hold strong – versus things my way – the will unravel fast.
Yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about how hard it is to trust in the process and about how tiring it is to speak to God but never hear Him. Today it occurs to me that the reason why I am not hearing from Him is that I’m not listening to Him. So I dwell on my Daddy Issues, my lack of trust, my unforgiving, un-forgetting, incompromisable world, all the while blaming it on him but never once stopping to listen. Yesterday He spoke for hours and for the first time in a long time, I was able to hear Him.
Before you start judging me, understand this – I Am Human and I will have challenges and I will face issues and I will get over them – so thank you for not judging me but instead turning your eye inward. even as you work you out. I’m working me out. I’m not perfect, but He loves me just he way I am. He thinks I’m Beautiful. My smile makes Him smile. My laughter brings laughter to His soul. My passion and drive give Him pause to appreciate the creature of intimacy and intricacy that I am. He loves me Just The Way I Am. So guess what – it was in looking inward and breaking away from fretting outwards that I saw myself through His eyes. And just like that, I realized that not only am I His words, His hands, His feet, His love, His creation … … … I am also the very expression of His love, the very interpretation of His life, the very core of every beat of His heart, the very core of why He created in the first place.
I am the love of his life, and He is mine. I am the apple of His eye and He is my strength. I am the beauty without and He is the glory within me. I am so in love today with Him – inwards and outward. So today I have taken a moment to thank God for who He sees in me a reflection of Himself, and knows who I am through His eyes. Daddy, thank you for loving me in spite of me – thank you for loving me around the self of me and into the core of you. #DaddyIssuesNoMore Because
I am Beautiful – Empowered – Visionary
I am @BeautifulPetal_