So I learned the other day about the word Achievemephobia – which is in essence the fear of success. I used to say (a very long time ago and I have since recanted it) that I had commitment phobia. I used to joke about it with my girl Shaz. But in reality, (and I have never really admitted this out loud) the truth of the matter was that I didn’t think I was good enough therefore I never though anyone would really like me for me and want to stay with me. So I did everything within my ability to sabotage anything that smelled like any sort of relating. I’m not even talking about a real relationship. I’m talking about if I thought that someone might look like they were thinking about maybe relating to me, I would scamper in the opposite direction and hide because in my mind, it was all because of pity. I picked the worst possible relating mates because in my mind and in my heart I truly believed that it was all in vain anyway. Nobody would ever truly love me so pick the ones that will hurt me then I have an excuse to say it doesn’t really matter because I was right all along.
Let me just stop right here and put a disclaimer – I thought this post was going to be about fear – it started out being about fear – but God has a way of turning things around like you never thought He could.
So just when you feel like you will never be rid of that pornography addiction, just when you think “phew, I can continue to hide it and wait for The Grace to pull me out” Then God sends a preacher to tell you that you’re too cute in your situation and cute will never win the battle.
Just when you thought that the hidden secret guilty pleasure dipping in the cookie jar of that illicit relationship as you climb out of the wrong bed with the wrong person had completely overwhelmed you, God sent a little girl to tell you that the time to run had come because if you didn’t run, He would surely destroy the both of you and crush your destiny for the sake of His glory.
Just when you thought that you had gotten away with that abortion and that you could get on with the business of filling your life with busy-ness and busy activities so that you could forget that the hole in your heart was equal to the emptiness in your womb because God will never forgive you anyway, He sent a random looking doomsday street preacher to tell you that He’s going to wait for you long enough because He refuses to turn away from you because He loves you enough.
Just when you thought that you could continue to stay in your little corner with your little secret of masturbation because you still were able to go back and ask for forgiveness and He will love you always – it’s ok because He’s still using you in your own small way and maybe you just weren’t cut out for the greatness that they all talked about all your life so why not just do your little bit over here through your blog or by writing your music or by mentoring young girls (who will never challenge you) – God sent some random white-boy country-rock radical preacher to tell you that :
YOUR WILL IS YOUR WEAPON! AND YOUR WEAPON WILL WIN!!
True, no weapon fashioned against you shall prosper – but more importantly, you are a weapon in the hands of your Father and He is waiting for you to throw yourself wholeheartedly at His feet and allow Him to use you!
Today, I’m speaking to that little girl fighting against homosexuality while serving in the church – there is nothing wrong with you. You are amazing. Truly amazing. You are beautiful. Truly Beautiful. But what you are doing and how you are living hurts God and turns you away from your destiny and kills the seed of greatness in you. You were created to be a preacher. To stand on the pulpit and proclaim the love of God for the world – the love of a God who never turned against you.
Today, Whatever it is you’re struggling with (you who is sleeping around behind your husband’s back, you who is plotting and planning against the one person who believed in you when the world had rejected you, you who is fighting suicidal thoughts and are tired of fighting, you who cuts yourself, you who was kicked out tonight and are now wandering the streets not knowing what tomorrow will bring, you who is sitting there battling grief and not knowing why a ‘good’ God would allow such a tragedy, you who’s husband walked out minutes / hours / days / weeks/ months / years ago and has never looked back: TODAY I CAME TO GIVE YOU HOPE! Today I came to tell you that the God that I serve loves you and will never turn away from you regardless of your sin. He loves you despite your sin and your action.
Today I came to tell you that your story shall be your testimony and shall give Glory to God and hope to another hopeless soul.
Today I came to tell you that You are a weapon even in your in-between place!
Today I came to tell you that you are Beautiful – Empowered – Visionary
Today I came to tell you that You are @BeautifulPetal_